The Privileged Perspective
Speaking Power to Truth
Speaking Power to Truth
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
4 More Year$! 4 More Year$!
O Happy Day, my moneyed comrades! Victory is ours-- and not just in the Big Race! The Party of Privilege won four Senate seats, at least two House Seats and, tantalizingly, control over appointing the next member(s) of the Supreme Court!! With that in mind, please join me in a rousing refrain of delicious gloating:
Four More Year$! Four More Year$!
Fourteen-hundred-sixty-one more days of priv'leged sneers!
With our tax cuts out of danger and our interests kept secure
We'll dine upon the spotted owl and dance upon the poor!
I invite each of my esteemed fellow pundits to add to this song's verse, as you all know the tune!
Myself, I'll be packing for a well-deserved international cruise. I don't entirely relish the thought of facing all those foreigners, but I hear unpleasantries can be avoided if one doesn't debark.
Chin-chin!
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Sing Along with Lotta!
To honor all of the hard-working legal professionals on stand-by, ready in a moment's notice to launch, briefcases in hand, in defense of democracy and freedom and the American electorate, I offer the following anthem. Sing along to a familiar tune!
The suits go marching one by one,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching one by one,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching one by one
To make sure by whom the election's won,
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching two by two,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching two by two,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching two by two
To see if a recount of votes is due,
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching three by three,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching three by three,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching three by three
'Cause Kerry has vowed that he won't concede,
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching four by four,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching four by four,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching four by four
To prevent mistakes like the one made by Gore,
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching five by five,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching five by five,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching five by five
Though Bush and Cheney have God on their side!
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching six by six,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching six by six,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching six by six
Though they say the problems of 2000 are fixed,
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching seven by seven,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching seven by seven,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching one by one
Because God knows with all those electronic voting machines with no paper trail and no viable course of action for a recount should one be necessary and the shortage of poll volunteers and the long lines and maybe bad weather we'll need all the help we can get and be praying to heaven...
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching eight by eight,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching eight by eight,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching eight by eight
To fan the fires of this debate.
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching nine by nine,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching nine by nine,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching nine by nine
But I know Cheney and Bush will be fine!
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
The suits go marching ten by ten,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching ten by ten,
(Hoorah! Hoorah!)
The suits go marching ten by ten
And it's "Four More Years!" we'll shout loud in the end!
And they all go marching down
To the Battlegrounds
The lawyers of Election '04.
(Boomsey-boomsey-boom!)
Monday, November 01, 2004
More International Support
Hurrah to the international Billionaire! A Sri Lankan businessman has gone one step farther than your average pollster in reassuring us of our President's fate. This morning, every one of Sri Lanka's leading newspapers boasted a full-page advertisement congratulating Bush on his victory in the presidential race. Mr. ASP Liyanage, managing director of real-estate firm ASP Constructions Private, spent one million rupees on the ads, roughly 10 years' salary for the average Sri Lankan.
Don't worry, Mr. Liyanage-- your message may be a bit early, but your fellow Billionaires are doing our damnedest to prove you the visionary you are!
More International Support
Hurrah to the international Billionaire! A Sri Lankan businessman has gone one step farther than your average pollster in reassuring us of our President's fate. This morning, every one of Sri Lanka's leading newspapers boasted a full-page advertisement congratulating Bush on his victory in the presidential race. Mr. ASP Liyanage, managing director of real-estate firm ASP Constructions Private, spent one million rupees on the ads, roughly 10 years' salary for the average Sri Lankan.
Don't worry, Mr. Liyanage-- your message may be a bit early, but your fellow Billionaires are doing our damnedest to prove you the visionary you are!
Friday, October 29, 2004
IRAN endorses BUSH
Every oil baron knows Bush is his Crude Crusader. This holds true for even unlikely, but oil-laden, supporters like IRAN! Iran has a financial stake in Bush's policies that turn back decades of environmental protection in favor of earth-taxing, but highly profitable, oil interests. Besides, Iran's leaders typically favor Republicans, "Democrats usually insist on human rights."
Another surprising endorsement comes from The Brigade of Abu Hafs al-Masri, the organization that claims responsibility for the March 11th bombing of a Madrid train station. The group assures that Bush is the man to "wake-up" the Islamic world, they are "very keen that Bush does not lose the upcoming elections."
It seems the one endorsement that our Crude Crusader did not manage to get- his home town paper, The Lone Star Iconoclast. Iconoclast--the one who destroys sacred religious images. I don't know about you, but my religion runs deep, and gushes often.
The Five-Day Countdown: What To Due
Writing just after the carved whalebone hands of the grandfather clock in my study strike midnight, I find myself, as you must, breathlessly awaiting the Big Event in just over five white-knuckled days. Rather than sit on my hands, which is uncomfortable due to the diamonds, I devised a 3-part spending plan for proactive Billionaires who want to make these dwindling hours count:
1. Write that last check to a 527. Donations of $1 million or more to partisan political groups are way up this year, according to the Associated Press.... and who tops the list? George Soros, the Original Billionaire Turncoat! We have only a scant few days to show up this showoff's $24 million display of anti-Americanism... and don't think about making it up 4 years from now. In all likelihood, the new wave of campaign finance reforms being bandied about the Hill will render such unfettered giving illegal in the next cycle.
2. Create a rainy-day fund: for the recount! The FEC has just announced that their long-standing rule on fundraising for an election recount will remain in effect: each candidate can raise as much money as they want! We've already seen what Georgie can do with this situation-- if we just put a spare bil aside for the REAL crunch time, we'll be eating that non-banned caviar*off the White House Lawn in no time.
*(see Lotta Cash's entry, Tue. Oct. 26th)
3. Invest in liquor stock-- because come Election Day, just under 50% of the nation will be in a funk deeper than my ex-husband's pockets. And come November 3rd, I intend to collect.
Onward Croesian Soldiers!
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
P.S. (and on a much more refined note...)
Ready, everyone, our collective "phew!" After a few tense months, The Fish and Wildlife Service has decided against banning imports of beluga caviar! The source of our favorite spread, the sturgeon, is being placed on the Endangered list, but the ban on importing won't be reconsidered until January, after the elections.
So party on, Billionaires!
Billionaire Brilliance!
One week to go, my chickens, and is it getting hot in here or is it just me?! We're down to the wire, and Cheney the Great turns into Cheney the Magnificent, showing the smarts that make him the Billionaire-est of them all. After his performance on yesterday morning's The Today Show, I am ready to wait outside the stage door for him and scream like an unhinged teeny-bopper the moment he sets foot to pavement.
It was just like a Grisham novel... No, scratch that: it was better than a Grisham novel - because it was real life! National correspondent Jamie Gangel asked the tough questions, grilling our man about alleged "mistakes" some folks thinks this glorious administration has made in Iraq. When asked, "Did you think securing the peace would be this hard? Did you think the aftermath would be this difficult?" he turns it around, using the down-and-dirty trial lawyer tactics of the opposition, and defends the actions of Iraqi insurgents thusly: "I... think that the trauma, the psychological effect of 30 years of oppression on the Iraqi people was greater than I had anticipated."
Oh, snap! The "insanity defense!" Brilliant! John Kerry may be "fighting for the middle class," but Our Boys are in da house, fighting for the mentally ill.
That's right, Dickey: we're never wrong. We're just protecting those who don't know any better.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Throw Out the Vote in '04!
A couple of weeks ago, my esteemed colleague Mary Dritch wondered (hypothetically, of course) how much it would cost to buy someone's vote.
It turns out the Republican Party has a better idea: they'll pay people $100 to stop other people from voting! A report in the New York Times describes unprecedented GOP efforts in key battleground states to challenge voters at the polls. In stark contrast, most Democratic poll monitors will focus on helping people cast their ballots.
Economically and practically, the GOP plan makes a lot of sense. Paying voters individually entails a cost-per-transaction that can really add up, and "get-out-the-vote" drives typically involve time-consuming forays into distasteful neighborhoods. But for a cool C-note (the average price of my lunchtime liquor bill), each one of these intrepid vote-stoppers can block dozens, perhaps hundreds, of questionable would-be voters. And according to the Times report, the challengers will be well-trained -- in such arts as "how to challenge mentally disabled voters who are assisted by anyone other than their legal guardians."
But fear not, fellow Billionaires: If you dress right and applaud their efforts, I sincerely doubt that these challengers will stop you from participating in democracy. And if they try it, hey, we can always buy them off.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Classier Than Keno
As most lower life forms stick quarters into slot machines, feverishly scratch at lottery chits, and wait for a house call from Ed McMahon, we more highly evolved corporate animals have just hit the king-hell jackpot. Giants of industry, meet the latest Bush tax cut! On Friday, our Fearless Leader signed the most sweeping change to corporate tax law in nearly 20 years.
The spin-savvily titled American Jobs Creation Act, which will rain $136 billion like manna upon American businesses, was originally designed to get those fussbudget Europeans off our backs for violating WTO regulations. Seems the quote-unquote "world community" was suspicious of our annual $5 billion tax break to American exporters, and The Continent responded by imposing 12% tariffs on US goods exported to their godless land. Not nice, Europe.
Yesterday's legislation repeals that luscious tax break, but more than makes up for it with a cornucopia of special interest provisions, including a $10.1-billion buyout of tobacco farmers' quotas and a section that allows American companies to have their overseas profits taxed at a one-time rate of 5.25 percent rather than the usual 35 percent.
Now: you can believe John McCain, who called it "the worst example of the influence of special interests that I have ever seen"... you can believe the Wall Street Journal, which calls it a "tax windfall" for corporations... or you can believe your heart, beating soundly from the vicinity of your wallet pocket and echoing the glorious phrase coined by the New York Lotto: "If you don't win it, someone else will." Bingo!
Click here. 
