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Speech of Phil T. Rich to the Boston Million Billionaire March

Billionaires, chums, and far-flung colleagues of inordinate wealth.

Today is a great day!

Some of us have come by yacht, some by limo, some by Lear Jet — but in spite of these differences, we’ve all come today for the Million Billionaire March! Welcome, one and all.

“There are two Americas,” white-trash pretty-boy John Edwards tells us. And, actually, he’s right—there ARE two Americas. We’re one—and we own the other. And with George Bush’s help, we aim to keep it that way.

Why do we Billionaires love George Bush ? Let me count the ways:

• He’s brought us an economic recovery—where we don’t have to hire anybody.
• He liberated OUR oil reserves, which were somehow trapped under other people’s countries.
• And he freed us from the green jackboot of the Kyoto Protocol.

Let’s admit it. We’re a special interest — but we’re a very very very very special interest! — and GWB has invited our CEO’s and lobbyists into the White House to write the nations laws, from the tax cuts — which we’re mostly for us! — on down.

But all of this is threatened by John Kerry and the great unwashed Democratic middle class masses which have come to Boston for this supposed “Convention.”

Why do we Billionaires hate John Kerry ? Let me count the ways :

• John Kerry panders to the special interests of everyday Americans.
• John Kerry promises to reduce the Federal deficit. But we say: Enron declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy, why can’t the Government?
• John Kerry wants to make a first-class education the right of even second class citizens. But why throw good money at bad people?
• John Kerry plans to create 10 million jobs in his first 4 years. 10 million jobs? Whatever for? We billionaires have never even had one!
• John Kerry wants to reign in the rising cost of health insurance. But we say : 44 million un-insured Americans — that’s a good start!

So, who do we Billionaires hate? And who do we Billionaires love?

As you know, I’m Phil. Phil T. Rich — but then again, who here isn’t?

I’m the CEO and Schmoozer-in-Chief of Billionaires for Bush.

We’re a grass-roots network of degenerate heiresses, deal-making CEO’s, corporate lobbyists, and other winners under George Bush’s economic regime.

And this is our hour. This is our moment.

For too long we have ruled this country from behind closed limo doors. But under George Bush, we don’t have to hide anymore. We can come out and show the true face of power – MONEY!. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We run this country — and we do a damn good job of it!

All the others have come out—the blacks, the women, the gays, even the mothers—and today, it's time for us to come out too And show the world who we REALLY are.

We are the Billionaires for Bush.

We are the CEOs who make 280 times the pay of an average worker.
We are the 1% who own more than 40% of the wealth.
We are a who’s who of corporate America and we are organized!

We are the Billionaires for Bush.

And we are on a mission—a mission to re-appoint George Walker Bush as President of the United States of America.

George Bush has been there for the wealthy and powerful these last four years, and we’re going to be there for him!

And to demonstrate our commitment, we’re delivering this check [points at huge check] to the GOP headquarters right here. A check for “Whatever it takes!”

And to those champions of campaign finance reform, like John Kerry, who say that Big Money has no role in politics, I say: show me where in the Constitution it calls for a separation of cash and state.

And I say : “Buy your own President!”

Let us now present the check.

Thank you.