Not Just Another Get-Rich-Quick Scheme
Just when I thought I had exhausted every possible avenue for exploiting capitalism and making tons more money for myself (any other aspiring Trillionaires out there?), inspiration hits me once again - and from such an unusual source: the ACLU!

People have been so up-in-arms about our Dear Georgie's brilliant anti-terror program of data-mining - getting private industry to provide information like the names and addresses of their clients, as well as student loan application data, bank account numbers, credit card information, and taxpayer identification numbers - but I don't understand what all the fuss is about. If you didn't do anything wrong, you don't have anything to worry about, right? And now, the "premier provider of decision-making intelligence to businesses and government," ChoicePoint, is providing their investigative services to the government... and not for nothin', I'm sure.

So, if they're doing it, why can't I?

Apparently, 52 federal departments and agencies use data mining, 131 data mining strategies are operational right now, and 68 others are in the queue , so there's no shortage of buyers. I have thousands upon thousands of employees, and God only knows what they're up to after they leave the gentle fold of my factory floors, the wretched cretins. And if the U.S. Government is willing to pay me for each name, not only am I serving my country, but I am serving it by doing what I do best: making money!

Everybody wins - except those terrorists.

- posted by Lotta Cash @ 1:04:08 PM