"Catastrophic Success" = Unparadoxical Oxymoron
As he gears up to present his second-term agenda to Billionaires nationwide, our friend W. has been taking a little flak for calling the Iraq war a "catastrophic success."

Some say this little bon mot is just another casualty in Mr. Bush's longstanding struggle with the English language. But we Billionaires know better.

For what turn of phrase would better describe the incredible business opportunity that's been created in Iraq? Thanks to the bombs that (catastrophically?) leveled Iraq's skyline and decimated its infrastructure, American firms like Halliburton have been able to reap billions in new contracts for cleaning up the mess! And thanks to George's graceful refusal to drag the contracting process through the muck of competitive bidding, Hallie's bottom line will be fatter than most civilian contractors could ever hope for.

But Halliburton isn't the only beneficiary. The latest figures show defense firms like Lockheed Martin posting awesome profits, as they "gear up for the wars of the future," in the words of Legg Mason defense analyst Troy Lahr. Meanwhile, all across America, average working Joes are lining up to take new contracting jobs on the war-torn streets of Baghdad, courtesy of Halliburton subsidiary KBR. The good folks at KBR are offering generous salaries to compensate for the risk of (catastrophic?) death or dismemberment. And even in those cases, KBR representative Peter Hollatt has assured applicants that their remains will be shipped back to the U.S. on the company's dime, except in the event of a (catastrophic) nuclear, biological, or chemical attack.

So you see, our friend George W. knew exactly what he meant. Catastrophes mean great success for American business! We Billionaires look forward to many more foreign catastrophes in the years ahead.



- posted by Colin A. Faver @ 1:06:58 PM