Billionaire News Watch

Even though we own the media, it is nearly impossible to find unbiased news that truly reflects our opinion. To that end, the Billionaires for Bush are pleased to offer our own news punditry, bringing attention to stories improperly spun by the biased liberal media.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

 

EPA would leave US in dark…

The Environmental Protection Agency may file suit on 22 of the nation’s largest utilities.

The EPA bases the alleged violations on the New Source Review rules established twenty-seven years ago under the pesky Carter Administration. This apparently partisan movement against energy was, for lack of a better word, reenergized by the Clinton Administration, which originally filed some of the cases. President Bush, a fan of energy- especially the turbines that keep his pretzel warmer warm, is rightly skeptical of these regulations.  He believes they have been misused to target routine maintenance activities. And, heaven forbid they prevent something as necessary as dumping toxic waste into conveniently located rivers!

We Billionaires concur that we are for energy companies, and our investments in them!  What emissions are not worth the glow of big cities and casinos, or the hum of giant presses printing crisp new bills? Let’s be honest, we are a nation of comfort cravers. We could outsource our emissions- build our plants and reactors in other lands. Of course, then we’d hear cries over job loss. Face it, consumers are happy to believe that when you flip a switch- magic happens. This meshes nicely with Bush’s preference for a market-based approach to energy regulation. Let’s see the same kind of marketing magic that brought you Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny defeat the Big Brotheresque EPA. Go Power!







posted by Mary Dritch  # Saturday, July 17, 2004
 

The Rock Star CEO is Back.

Good news, Billionaires, "Marketplace" on NPR has teamed up with The Economist and Harris Interactive to announce that it is okay to be a Billionaire again! [Click here to listen to the show in RealPlayer, skip to Time Marker 4:05 after download.]

In the first stage of a massive marketing campaign that we are all obliged to support, NY bureau chief from The Economist, Ben Edwards, states that the public may be "falling in love again" with the Rock Star CEO.

"The Hero Boss...is making a modest comeback," he states, thanking "the
man who may be responsible for the rekindling of our affections,"
Donald Trump, for bringing celebrity CEO's back to the hero worship
where they belong. Now, we all know Donald as the most beloved,
ingenious scoundrel of us all for his habit of not paying small
contractors for services rendered because it’s cheaper to fight them in
court, but that not as easy a sell in an age of unprecedented layoffs
and a struggling economy. Today the masses will forgive you as
long as you yell “You’re Fired� on national TV with a slick smirk and
even slicker suit. Really, it is an easier pill to swallow that
way.

More powerful than even the Donald is Edward’s assertion that "the
legislative cycle seems to have run its course." This year, "a
reinvigorated business lobby shot to pieces the SEC's initiative to
introduce a mildly less un-democratic system for electing board
directors." Please, schedule a lunch with your local congressman and
thank him or her for a job well done.

"Even those hand-cuffed celebrity ex-bosses seemed to be getting a
slightly less hostile reception." He went on to note that our comrade
in arms, Ken Lay, shortly after receiving an indictment for a myriad of
charges meant for lesser men, was "joshing with Larry King on prime
time TV. ‘Great meeting you, Ken.’ Larry wrapped up."


"Maybe even the cops," Edwards posits, will back off after catching on
"to the changing public mood - then [he] will really bask in the sun
again without fear that his next public appearance might be in orange
pajamas."


Yes, the “cops backing off� is good for business, and it is now our
responsibility to artificially inseminate the public mood by
repetition. For these are only a few highlights from his talking
points that, just like in the George W. Bush presidential campaign
strategy, should be repeated verbatim at every opportunity, because, as
we all know, Truth to the Public Ears is anything repeated over and
over again.


posted by Monet Oliver d'Place  # Saturday, July 17, 2004

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

 

Bush Defends Loggers from Hostile Forests

Good news for loggers and asphalt companies! The Bush administration has proposed lifting a logging ban on 58 million acres of national forest.

In a brazen act of environmental terrorism, Bill Clinton shielded these potentially profitable woodlands from development as he left the White House in January 2001. Bush's plan would open these lucrative acres back up to logging and road-building in eighteen months' time, unless the governor of the state in which the forest is located successfully petitions to keep the area off-limits. And we all know what the answer to those petitions will be, don't we? After all, no sentimental Walden should stand in the way of a much-needed interstate linking Boise to Missoula.

According to CNN, our friend Jim Riley of the "Intermountain Forest Association," a lobbying group for companies that clearcut intermountain forests, is excited about Bush's plan. "These decisions are far better made by local folks than through broad national policy," Riley quipped. If we can assume that by "local folks," he means "local billionaires," amen to that!
posted by Colin A. Faver  # Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Monday, July 12, 2004

 

Diebold Under Fire

Election Tampering Tampering Alert: Electronic voting machine maker Diebold Inc. is being sued by so-called whistle-blowers in California. The plaintiffs claim that Diebold's machines caused delays and deleted ballots in the March California primary, are programmed with uncertified software, and are vulnerable to hackers. An estimated 50 million voters will be casting electronic ballots this November.

Diebold, as you know, is a leader in the growing industry of paper-trail-free electronic voting machines, which became hot sellers after the 2000 election. Diebold has also been forced to cover its executives' tails after CEO Walden O'Dell pledged to "deliver [Ohio's] electoral votes for the president" in 2004. Honestly, is that so wrong? After all, if the good people at Diebold are going to invest the time, labor, and capital in building all these voting machines, it's only fair that they should pick the outcome.

We Billionaires stand in solidarity with O'Dell and Diebold. We may not all be CEOs of voting machine manufacturing companies, but every one of us is trying to rig this election in his or her own special way. Only when our electoral system is broken free from the shackles of universal suffrage will America truly become the best oligarchy it can be.

posted by Colin A. Faver  # Monday, July 12, 2004

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