True artists have always gone unappreciated in their time. Like an Emily Dickinson, a Vincent Van Gogh, or a Tammy Faye Bakker, there exists today a creative genius the world cannot yet appreciate... a visionary entity that, like its predecessors, sees an alternate reality and dares to live it.

I speak, of course, of Halliburton.

The Pentagon announced early on Tuesday that its auditors discovered $1.8 billion dollars worth of work in Iraq and Kuwait that Hallie unit Kellogg, Brown & Root (KBR) could not account for, despite billing it to the US government. The amount represents 43% of the $4.18 billion that KBR has charged the Defense Dept. for military support services like food and shelter for troops, in numbers both real and imagined, stationed in the Persian Gulf. This ingenious brand of ledger-sauteeing has proved a wildly successful business model, having managed to keep the company up, running, and trading over $29 despite such filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection last year over a few pesky asbestos lawsuits.

According to a 60-page audit report dated August 4th, though still unavailable to the public, KBR's "internal control policies" are "inadequate for providing verifiable, supportable, and documented cost estimates that are acceptable for negotiating a fair and reasonable price." Inadequate like a fox! Yes, our Texas titans have convinced federal regulators that 'inadequacy' is to blame, and not the deft, Houdini-esque touch of Accounts Receivable. Brilliant!

Unfortunately, the government has no interest in magic: it could withhold as much as $600 million in payment to KBR as a result of the findings, and future contracts with a potential yield of over $8 billion could be affected. The announcement comes shortly after a class-action lawsuit leveled charges of intentional, "serial accounting fraud" against top Hallie execs during the period of 1998 to 2001, including when it was helmed by none other than businessman's hero Vice President Cheney.

Lawsuits... inquiries... audit reports... These are the typical responses of Philistines unaware of the beauty they behold. We Billionaires know better. Anyone who has ever claimed their poodle as a dependent, their butler as a business expense, or braved enterprise corruption charges on account of a few measly Renoirs on the company dime (hang in there, Dennis K!), can attest to the creative talent needed to pull off ANY Pro-Business Bookkeeping with both credibility and panache.

Halliburton has both in spades. Cool as a corporate cucumber, the co. has flatly denied the report's veracity and admitted no wrongdoing. One unnamed company representative was quoted as saying, "This is the same system that the company has used for more than 10 years." Ten years! Why, my husband couldn't sustain falsifying his own income tax reports for more than three before Mr. Audit caught him. But then, my household was never run by Cheney, the Frostiest Cucumber of all. Oh, what might have been...

At any rate, here's to the unsung accountant-chefs, the Wolfgang Pucks of the military supply sector: Bravi, and encore. History will prove your worth.