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Radio Ad Transcripts

Return to Riches
60 seconds

Seting/Background: An uncharted desert isle. Establishing guitar tune similar to the one used on Gilligan's Island.

Lovey: Thurston, where did you suddenly get that walkie-talkie?

Thurston: I've had it all along, my dove. You see, the statute of limitations on my creative accounting has run out. It’s time to end this tropical charaaahd and return to our billions!

Lovey: Oh, do we have to? It's so cozy here on the Island.

Thurston: My dear, don’t you listen to the coconut radio? [laugh track] It's the best time ever to be a billionaire in America! More than half of the last tax cut went to the wealthiest top five percent.

Lovey: But the voters will never allow that kind of thing!

Thurston: That's what's so marvelous, Lovey, the middle class believes they're going to be billionaires someday! [laugh track]

Lovey: Well anything's possible in America.

Thurston: Ah, your naïvete is so charming. The fact is, the gap between them and us is getting wider all the time! Ha ha, Dubya’s our boy!

Female narrator: Bush economics, much more than a Three Hour Tour.

Paid for by

Democracy on the Block
30 seconds

Seting/Background: Auction house

Auctioneer: 13 Million, who will give me 14?

Bidder: 14!

Auctioneer: I have 14 million, do I hear 15? (etc.)

Narrator: Political power doesn't come cheap in America.

Auctioneer: Sold for 22 million dollars, another rollback in air quality regulations!

Narrator: George Bush understands that money equals Power. He has raised more campaign funds than any president in American History.

Auctioneer: Next on the Block, the First Amendment! Who will give me One Million?

Narrator: Just because it’s a democracy doesn’t mean money isn’t involved. How much is your vote worth?

Paid for by

Sound Advice
30 seconds

Mr. & Mrs. Green – Middle-aged billionaires
Financial Adivisor – Female
Narrator - Male

Advisor: Mr. and Mrs. Green, let's talk about ways to grow your wealth.

Mrs: Where can we get the highest return with the lowest risk?

Advisor: These days? Elections.

Mr: We don't usually get involved in politics.

Advisor: Well, consider this, over the past four years, the pharmaceutical sector turned forty four million in contributions into medicare legislation worth a hundred and thirty nine billion in profits.

Mr/Mrs: Not bad! / Excellent!

Mrs: Who shall we make the check out to?

Narrator: Want to protect your outrageous wealth? Invest in the right candidate.

Easily paid for by Billioniares for

Max & Jasper
30 seconds

Max: So Jasper, how was your year?

Jasper: Excellent! This administration gives the best returns ever!

Max: Do tell!

Jasper: Well, the money I paid to a lobbying firm in Washington brought in over fifty million dollars in overseas contracts.

Max: Oh yes. Lobbying pays.

Jasper: Are you still into commodities, Max?

Max: No, I’m funding politicians. My campaign contributions got me over a hundred million dollars worth of regulation wavers.

Jasper: Well done, Max.

Narrator: Today’s wisest investments are in politics. Where are YOU throwing your money?

Easily paid for by billionaires for

Middle Class Nightmare
30 seconds

(bedroom late at night)

Wife (talking in sleep): No. Not the yacht!

Husband: Darling, wake up. You're having a nightmare.

Wife (waking): It was terrible. I dreamed we lost our billions, and we were middle class!

Husband: There, there.

Wife: We were both working, but we could barely pay our bills! The children had to go to public schools; we had something called an H M O.

Husband: Poor thing—

Wife: It seemed so real. We couldn't even afford my botox!

Husband: Go back to sleep honey, I’ll write another campaign check tomorrow.

Narrator: President George W. Bush, keeping alive the American dream... for some of us.

Paid for by Billionaires for

In Bed
30 Seconds

Sultry, breathless woman’s voice. Rife with sex.

Woman: Mmmm… Colin Powell did it with AOL/Time Warner. John Ashcroft did it with Microsoft and Monsanto. Interior Secretary Gale Norton did it with BP Amoco. Condoleeza Rice did it with Chevron. Oooh…Donald Rumsfeld did it with big boys Sears, Kellogg and Allstate.

Narrator: Of course the Bush Administration’s in bed with its corporate benefactors.

Woman: Ahh… George W. Bush did it with Goldman Sachs, Citigroup, and Enron!!

Narrator: Did you think they were giving it away?

Paid for Billionaires for



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