American Beachgoers Waste Less Time on Free Swimming
Here's something to brighten up our summer, friends: The National Resources Defense Council's latest report found that 2003 was the biggest year on record for pollution-related beach closings and advisories. According to the report, 51 percent more ocean and Great Lakes beaches were closed in 2003 than in the previous year. While some of the increase is due to better reporting mandated by the onerous Clinton administration, it's still a remarkable achievement for a year that W. declared the "year of clean water!" (You sure scared us for a while, there, George!)

The jump in beach closings is good news on two fronts. First, it confirms that despite his cheeky media gestures, our friend W. has successfully relaxed clean water laws that cut into our corporate profits. And second, it's a bonanza for our friends in the tourism industry. All those people getting kicked out of the ocean or the lake will inevitably spend more time in America's gift shops, restaurants, and casinos!

It's about time somebody stood up for the rights of seaside merchants against that Socialist purveyor of free recreation, Mother Nature. Keep up the good work, George! Before long, beach bums from Santa Cruz to Cape Cod will have to shell out pricey memberships for country-club swimming pools!

- posted by Colin A. Faver